I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
