What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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