Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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