went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
