If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
