I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
