saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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