and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
