everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
