i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
