We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize