Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
