Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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