I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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