God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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