Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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