I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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