i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
