Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
