Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
