i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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