I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
