I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
