It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
