Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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