I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
