If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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