On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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