its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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