your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
