I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
