And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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