D3 body, D1 cock
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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