it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
