I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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