so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
