I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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