My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
