She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
