We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
