Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
