YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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