so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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