You work out of a Hotel?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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