the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
