I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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