How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
