i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
