I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
