is your mom at the bar?
You made me cry and you don't even care
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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