"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
