were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i may or may not be watching the land before time
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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