i need an iv and a liver transplant
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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