I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize