I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
