I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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