You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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