it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
