Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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