i jhust puked up my retainher.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
