I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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