did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
