I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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