I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
