oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
