I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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