I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize