Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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