I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
