She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
